By Debbie Peterson Speaker, Trainer and Coach for the fed up midlife woman looking for a little Confidence and Clarity of purpose!

Well, it was as if my life went in the toilet, actually it was my iPhone and I do feel disconnected (please tell me I’m not the only one who has ever done this!) Being without your phone, your lifeline, your resource can leave you in an odd, uncomfortable place and this started me thinking that there are many other ways we can be disconnected in our lives.

Have you ever been hurt? Like really hurt? It feels as if the pain is physical and you feel so alone. It’s like there is no one you can talk to, no one who can support you or understand what you are going through. Maybe some people get part of it or want to support you but they just don’t understand at the deepest level what you are experiencing.

How about, feeling down, melancholy or blue? You have no energy; you just don’t care – about anything. You don’t want to be around anyone and you don’t want to do anything. The things that used to bring you joy no longer excite you.  You just want to dwell – mostly about all the things that are going wrong in your life.

Frustrated? Have a goal that you are pursuing with all of your time and energy but no matter how hard you work, how many different methods you try, you are just not getting anywhere? It seems as everyone else is easily and effortlessly achieving whatever they set their mind to? Meanwhile the chatter in your head has turned it back on you.  You think to yourself “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do this?” And, after a while you start believing you don’t deserve it.

These are all events where you are disconnected and I want to help you reconnect so here are some tips to move you in that direction:

Reach out to someone. Find someone who has been through a similar situation. Perhaps a relationship has just ended or a career has come to a grinding halt – find someone who has been through something like that. Have a conversation and you may be surprised at how many common elements your stories have.  By sharing with another person, whether that is a friend, family member, co-worker, coach, or therapist you are reconnecting. You’re not alone.

Get outside. We stay in our little “hidey-holes” and dwell on what is going wrong and it turns into an endless loop of self-sabotage.  Get outside and experience the snow falling, the sand between your toes, the water lapping at the dock, or the smell of the forest. Take some time to reconnect with the outdoors and just be. Clear your mind to the best of your ability and just take it in. Experience with all of your senses what it feels like to be outside and connect with nature.

Serve someone else. You would be surprised at how far your problems fade into the background when you are serving someone else. There is nothing like connecting with another person in need and by helping them you metaphorically and energetically help yourself. Perhaps you donate your time to a shelter or non-profit where you feel good about what you are doing and who you are helping. There are endless ways you can help others; find what resonates with you and enjoy the double dip of helping someone else and yourself at the same time.

Ask questions. So often we feel disconnected because of the stories we tell ourselves, which usually are total BS! You have something go wrong and then you start running these stores where you tell yourself where you are is permanent, no one gets where you’re at, no one will want to help you because they’ve got their stuff together and what will they think of you for asking for help or sharing your burden.  Sound familiar? Here are some questions to ask when you get into this kind of a funk:

  • What would you say to someone else? Seriously, we say such cruel things to ourselves when we need self-compassion the most. If someone came to you with the same issue how would you respond to them? Give yourself the same break.
  • How specifically do you know? That it is permanent? That no one will want to help you? Haven’t you been in a funk before and come out on the other side? Yes you have and that means you already know how to get out of it! Use the tips above and give yourself the time to work through it, knowing it is a process. You also don’t really know what anyone else is thinking. You haven’t crawled into their brain, have you? I didn’t think so. Reach out to someone because people are inherently kind (if that is what you believe) because helping another is helping yourself.
  • Who is “they”? Often times, when in a funk you make broad, sweeping statements. It’s like dreaming at night when it feels so real then waking in the morning and thinking ”that was weird.” The same goes here; think about it logically. Who are you concerned with? Are they entitled to that much influence in your life? You need to focus on yourself and those most important to you and if anyone else has a problem with it, that’s their “stuff” to deal with not yours!
  • What do I want instead? If you are feeling frustrated, defeated or down what would you like instead? How do you want to feel instead? Once you determine that, think of one action that you can take to move you in that direction. Treat yourself to a funny movie, go hula hooping or call someone that lifts you up. Whatever it is for you, once you turn the corner it gets easier to be aware and keep taking steps towards what you want.

If you’re feeling disconnected start with one of these steps and notice how you feel instead. Keep with it and feel how much better it is when you are focused on reconnecting. Leave a comment below and let me know which step works best for you or other ways you reconnect in your own life.

Until the next time, here’s wishing you the clarity you deserve!

Be good to yourself,


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