Have you ever walked into a room, an event, a party and thought, “I am not in the right place.” Not that you’re in the wrong location, but rather that you don’t belong there. It’s not a fit for you. That’s a sign from your unconscious that you’re not in a place that’s really aligned with you.

The funny thing, though, is that we do that far more often than we think.

We agree to something, to go along with the others, but it’s not a good or comfortable decision for us.

We act a certain way to be seen by others differently, but it’s not really us.

Out of frustration, we react (not respond) in a way we desperately wish we could take back, but we can’t.

Any of these ever happened to you? All of them have happened to me at some time or another and repeatedly. What is happening is it is the internal you, the real you saying, “Hey, you’re walking away from me, and I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Finding the truth about yourself makes it easier to start showing up that way; it feels more natural. You become less dependent on others, especially OPP (other people’s opinions!), and they slide off more easily. Your relationships improve because you can put more energy into the relationship instead of putting in the energy to show up in a way that you aren’t. You make better choices that are aligned with you.


So how do you find the truth about yourself and discover the authentic you?


There is an irritating but very effective exercise all professional speakers go through, and it’s called defining your avatar. I say irritating because you are asked this question frequently (who is your avatar), and it took me years to be really solid on my answer and be in a place of total congruency with who I am.

In this exercise, you ask yourself a series of questions to clearly understand the audience you can best serve and how you can serve them. You get so clear on who they are; you could almost write them a letter as a friend because you understand them so well. You get to know what makes them tick. It’s a deep dive into them as a person.

That’s what I want you to do for yourself because until you start showing up in your leadership and life as the person you are meant to be, you are holding back, and likely playing small.

So, as a woman in leadership or someone who aspires to be in leadership, start with this question.


Where do you feel like you’re making compromises that don’t feel good?


Perhaps, you feel taken advantage of, or you feel it’s one-sided. Maybe you felt pressured to do so (kind of like forcing your foot into shoes one size too small, but hey, they look pretty!)

Start tuning into this question and become aware of when this happens. Your feelings about decisions you make and your actions are the signals for when you are walking toward your authentic self or away.

This awareness is the key. It’s the first step, and nothing can change until you’ve put the proverbial light on it.


Getting ahead as a woman doesn’t mean you have to trade your life to get there.


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