As I prepare for a keynote I’ll be delivering next week on Confidence and as a mid-life woman striving to live a life that is “fabulous after forty” (and heading fast for fifty), I’ve compiled the necessary steps and this is a first in a series of blogs about the 7 steps of building confidence.
As a mid-life woman you’ve had things that have moved you forward in your life and things that have moved you back. And as women tend to do, you focus way more on what has moved you back. 
Things like divorce, becoming a widow, the empty nest or just flat out hating your career, and it messes with your confidence. You have been through so much in your life, you have accomplished a lot and for some reason you have forgotten, neglected, and/or perhaps abandoned your confident self. She’s still in there and would love to be out front again!
The first step is “Being the Best Version of YOU!”
What does that mean, anyway?
Well, what does confidence mean to you? Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever tried to describe it? You should, and here’s why:
- You have to create a target. If you want to hit a bull’s eye, don’t you have to have a target to aim for? If you aspire to be more confident in your life then you have to be able to know what you are after. (Exercise: Create a Vision Board or folder when you notice the type of Confidence you want to have. Tear out ads, bookmark videos, highlight passages in books, etc.)
- You need to know that words don’t mean the same thing to everyone. If I asked 10 women to write 5 words that describe confidence to them we wouldn’t get 10 lists all the same. We’d be lucky if we got two or three lists the same. That’s because your life to this point has imprinted your own definition of what that words means specifically to you. (Exercise: Write down 10 words, or as many as you can, that mean Confidence to YOU)
- You’re it! The only person in this competition is you. Because we each experience the world in our own way, we each have our own definition of confidence. It doesn’t matter about anyone else and to compare yourself to another is an exercise in futility – you simply don’t have the whole story (you’re looking at the highlight reel and not the edited footage on the floor). To notice something about someone that you wish to incorporate is great! To compare yourself to another and finding yourself lacking is not! You want to focus on how you are measuring up to yourself. Work on incorporating more confidence and confidence building exercises – and focus on your progress only. (Exercise: Create a list of the confident acts that YOU have accomplished – whatever comes to mind, and don’t say “I can’t think of anything”. Have you been married? Had children? Do you have a career? Unless you’ve got some sort of Zen family, I would bet you have navigated some tricky circumstances too. Continue to add to this list or jot something down somewhere – daily!)
As you move through these exercises you start painting the picture of your confident self. Your mind now has clarity about what it is that you desire and is only too happy to find opportunities to develop it. Be aware of new people you meet, do they display some of the qualities you desire? Maybe an opportunity comes about to act on your desired confidence. Take it! Notice what you learn about yourself as you go through this process and learn how to be the best version of YOU!
Leave a comment below or go to the Getting To Clarity Facebook page and let me know the confident acts you have taken and inspire someone else to do the same along the way!
Be good to yourself,
Debbie
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