By Debbie Peterson of Getting to Clarity – Midlife Mindset Mentor for Women, Professional Speaker and Trainer; providing clarity around Identity, Purpose and Confidence.
Do you remember the game Red Rover from when you were a kid? Two lines of kids facing each other, clutched hand in hand shouting “Red Rover, Red Rover, let “Cindy” come over!” And then “Cindy” would come barreling over like a miniature missile, running as fast as her little legs would carry her to try and break through the line. I loved that game even though I’d hear myself saying “Don’t pick Debbie. Don’t pick Debbie”, chanting it again and again because I was scared to charge the line. My heart would be in my throat as I powered across the playground to try to break through.
For some reason as I am planning my Webinar, “Are You Tired of Being in Last Place in Your Life? How Creating and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries Puts you in the Lead!” this childhood game popped into my mind. In the game someone is trying their best to break through your line. As an adult, it’s the same thing with your boundaries except you may or may not see them coming or be aware of your boundaries being crossed.
For instance, you may come across someone who is blatantly rude and obnoxious and to you it’s obvious that you don’t care to be around them, that you will limit or omit your time with them and that for you their behavior is unacceptable. What about those which are more subtle?
- The boss that takes credit for your ideas and says you’ll be taken care of but that never seems to happen.
- The family member who is always having a crisis and needs you to fix it because you’re the responsible one.
- The co-worker that is always late for your regularly scheduled meetings.
- The “friend” who always seems to want something from you or it’s always about her.
- The group that always comes to you to head up some sort of event or fundraiser because “You’re so good at it!” regardless of the fact that you’ve said you can’t do it anymore.
Here are the Top 10 signs you need Healthy Boundaries.
- You’re last in line in your own life. Everyone seems to come before you when it comes to your time.
- At one point, you enjoyed doing it but now you feel you “have to.”
- You feel guilty if you don’t.
- You keep hoping something will change, but it never does.
- You feel like there is no one else to do it correctly.
- No one else wants to do it. Period. So now you have to.
- You feel resentment.
- You constantly feel overwhelmed.
- As much as you help others, there is never anyone to help you when you need it.
- You say you’re going to stop it but that never seems to happen.
Exercise:
- Write down three people that that you feel intentionally or unintentionally cross your boundaries, take up too much of your time or generally are an energy vampire (for those of you who aren’t familiar, they suck the life out of you).
- Write down one event or circumstance that you’d be happy to not spend your precious time on. It’s not that it’s unworthy; it’s just not how you would choose to spend your time.
- If you didn’t have to worry about how you’d be perceived or someone’s feelings didn’t factor into your decision write down one choice you’d make instead.
- What is one step you can take to move you in the direction of what you want? Just one little step? Do it today.
Leave a comment below and let me know the one thing you are going to do today to put yourself first!
Until next time, here’s wishing you the Clarity you deserve!
Deb
